12 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate (by Barrie Davenport)

This post by Barrie Davenport (PickTheBrain) is useful to understand our own limits about what we can deal and tolerate.
12-tips-12 to start a new way of life, a new challenge, a new possibility...

Everyone as best as he can!

Have Joy

Giannicola

There is so much in life that we just tolerate. Some of it we have to deal with (taxes, bad weather, traffic). But there’s a good portion of stuff that we tolerate even when we don’t have to. We step around things, overlook irritations, and mindlessly accept energy drains. Perhaps we’ve become so immune to these tolerations that we don’t recognize the negative impact they have on us.

Sometimes just recognizing the things we are tolerating in life gives us a renewed sense of hope and energy. If you don’t know what’s pulling you down, it feels impossible to make your life better. Even small changes and shifts with these life tolerations can result in dramatic improvement in your outlook and mood.

However, when you address some of your bigger tolerations, you can completely change the course of your life and open doors to a world of happiness and inner peace that you didn’t know existed.

Think about the poorest of the poor, living in squalor and despair without the hope of a better future. When they are lucky enough to see the connection between education and life success, they have found a portal to escape poverty and misery. It’s a huge shift.

In the same way, we must search for these portals that will allow us to move to the next level of powerful living. Our tolerations are the brambles and vines growing over the portal doorway. We must clear them away to be able to open the door and walk through.

Do you want to walk through the portal to a happier life? If so, here are 12 situations that you should never tolerate if you want to live joyfully. See if you recognize yourself in any of these tolerations. If so, now is the time to clear them away.

1. Unhappiness at work.
You spend nearly half of your life at your job. If you are unhappy, do you really want to give away that much of your life? Think of the impact it has on your emotional well-being, your health, and your relationships. Think of the opportunities missed for doing something that you love, that is fulfilling. Don’t settle for living this way forever. Find a job that you love. Get more education if necessary. At the least, make changes within your current job to lessen your unhappiness.

2. A Long Commute.
A long commute to work by car or public transportation is stressful and empty. Hours in a vehicle adds up to days, months, years wasted in traveling when you could be doing and living. Find a job closer to home, or move closer to your job. Whatever your reason is for this commute, is it really worth the lost time?

3. An Unhealthy Lifestyle.
Are you overweight? Do you smoke? Are you sedentary? Do you eat junk? Do you abuse alcohol or other substances? An unhealthy lifestyle leads to an unhappy life. If you feel bad and look bad, you can’t enjoy life. This is your one and only life, and your body is your sacred garment. Take care of it now.

4. Draining Relationships.
If there are people in your life who are abusive, demeaning, angry, hurtful, not supportive, unethical, or crazy, it is time to let them go. You may have your reasons for hanging on, but do these reasons really outweigh the negative impact they have on your life? At the very least, find ways to cut back on interactions with these people.

5. A Disordered Living Space.
How you live is a reflection of who you are. You don’t need to live in a mansion with lots of stuff, but your living space should reflect the joy, order, and peace you want in your life. It should be clean, orderly, and have some expressions of beauty and warmth. It should feel welcoming to you and to guests in your home.

6. Negativity.
It is around us all the time, invading our minds like termites. We hear and see negative ideas and images on the news. Our friends and associates share their negative stories or reactions to life events. We hear negative lyrics in songs or watch violence and abuse in movies or on TV. Before we know it, we feel negative and depressed about our lives. Turn it off. Walk away. Stop listening. Instead watch, read, and listen to uplifting and positive ideas and information.

7. Too Much Stuff.
Over the years, we accumulate. We like to buy things. We like to have things. But these things require our time, energy, money, and effort. They lose their shine and we lose our interest. They become a burden — something we have to dust rather than enjoy. Get rid of this stuff and free up time and energy in your life.

8. Financial Problems.
The stress and emotional pain caused by financial problems steals your joy and peace in life. Whatever you are doing now or did in the past to cause the problem, do something about it now. Yes, some financial difficulties are unavoidable, but do whatever you can to lessen the stress, even if it means delivering pizzas for a while. If you are over-spending, stop. Sell some things. Very few “things” are worth the stress of money worries.

9. Living Out of Your Integrity.
Are you living in alignment with your values? Are you being true to yourself? Do you need to apologize for something or ask for forgiveness? When you are living outside of your integrity, it causes a disruption in your soul and your psyche. It drains your energy, fosters guilt, and saps your self-esteem. Get right with yourself and with others.

10. Living Without Fun.
If you life is all duty and work (even if the work is enjoyable), you are living out-of-balance. Fun and relaxation are necessary ingredients for a full and joyful life. By removing some of the other stresses from your life, you can make room for pleasurable activities, travel, and entertainment. The world is your beautiful oyster meant to be enjoyed.

11. Accepting Ignorance and Inertia.
We use both of these as excuses not to do something. We talk ourselves into our own inability to accomplish or change because we are afraid. We are afraid it will be hard, we are afraid we might fail, we are afraid it won’t work. You and everyone else knows these are just excuses to avoid. Don’t accept them anymore. Stretch yourself.

12. Lack of Communication.
In every single relationship you have, especially your primary relationship, healthy communication is essential to your life happiness. We you aren’t communicating properly with someone, you feel anxious, angry, frustrated, and helpless. Open, honest, loving communication is the number one ingredient for successful relationships. If you don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way, then learn how to and begin to implement these skills.

Use the next few minutes to think about one area in your life you are just tolerating. How does this toleration impact your sense of well-being and joy? What is one action you could take today to begin to eliminate this toleration? Even a small change can make a huge shift for the better in your life.

Barrie Davenport

 
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Stop Saying “I Can’t” (by Ali Luke)

The more you become used to a specific idea (turned soon into action) and the harder it is to give up. For example: drinking, smoking, tv-ing, ecc...

This is true for all types of ideas, thoughts, including  this peculiar thought: "I can't". 

If you start saying to yourself you can't do something and you tell yourself that mantra over and over, it becomes a habit.
The good news is that habits (even negative) can be broken.

Enjoy today's post by Ali Kuke.

Everyone as best as he can!

Have Joy

Giannicola

(By Ali Luke)

Do you ever find yourself saying “I can’t”? Sometimes, it’s perfectly reasonable: I can’t drive is simply a statement of fact, if you haven’t yet passed your test.


But often, I can’t is loaded down with self-judgment:


- I can’t draw.
- I can’t sing.
- I just can’t stay organized.
- I can’t ever get it right.
- I can’t lose weight.


How often do you say “I can’t” when it’s, at best, a half-truth? Maybe you really think that you can’t draw – but is that just because you’ve never actually tried? And if you can’t get organized, or quit smoking, or lose weight … do you really mean that you won’t?

“Can’t” Saps Your Power

Whenever you say you can’t do something, you’re reinforcing that message in your mind. For years, I told myself that I couldn’t draw. I’d never really done any drawing – apart from a few compulsory lessons in school – but I knew I was no good. I couldn’t draw people. I couldn’t draw still-life arrangements. I couldn’t draw anything.

Then I picked up a copy of Betty Edwards’ Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and realized that the only reason I couldn’t draw was because I’d never tried to learn. I had a go at some of the exercises in the book, and pretty quickly found that I just didn’t like drawing.

That’s okay! It’s fine to not want to do something. But it’s important to acknowledge that, if you wanted to, you could. If I really wanted to learn to draw, I could finish the book, or go to a class, or spend an hour or two every day with a pencil in my hand.

Changing that “Can’t”

If there’s something in your life which you’d like to do, but which you can’t do, what’s the “can’t” and what’s the real reason behind it?

Maybe it’s one of these, or something similar:

- I can’t quit my job and start working for myself (because I’m scared that it’ll all go wrong)
- I can’t lose weight (because I don’t really want to)
- I can’t quit smoking (because I need some help)
- I can’t get organized (because I don’t take the time to establish a good system)

I know that some of the things that you “can’t” do are big, emotional, tricky problems. You might want to talk to someone – a trusted friend or relative, or even a professional coach or counselor – to work through some of these areas.

Usually, though, it’s rare that there’s anything which you really truly can’t do – if you put your mind to it.

To change a “can’t” into a “can”, you might need to:

- Get more information – from books, websites or people who you know
- Build up your confidence – by taking small steps
- Become more determined – perhaps by finding a group of like-minded friends (e.g. a slimming club)
- Admit that the only thing holding you back is you

You’ve Overcome Lots of “Can’t”s Already

Once, you couldn’t do very much at all. You couldn’t walk, talk, or feed yourself.

Even when you were at school, there were loads of basic things which you couldn’t do. You couldn’t cook, or drive, or follow a map.


Throughout your whole life, you’ve been facing new challenges. Some of those might have been huge at the time – like when you first left home – but they seem pretty small in retrospect.

It’s the same with all those things that you can’t do today. They might seem big and challenging – almost impossible – right now, but they’re not. Plenty of other people have tackled and conquered the same things (and they started out from just where you are right now).

What would you love to do which you think you can’t manage right now – and how’re you going to change that?

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Ali Luke

6 Simple Ways To Live Like No One’s Watching (#4 is FUN!) - by Lori Taylor

Are you guilty of letting other people’s moods directly impact how YOU feel?

Are the rules you live by your own?

When do you feel best about yourself? 

What makes you feel loved or happy? 

Does it take a sunny vacation day on the beach for you to feel great?

Take control of your life. Have confidence you will drum your own beat, hum to the tune of life playing in your head, and stop waiting for someone else to set the tone for your life.

By identifying a few ways to tie positive emotions to your actions, you will super charge your happiness, transform your life, and take matters into your own hands.

#1 Define Your Marketing Message

Treat yourself like a fortune 50 brand! Create a mission statement and a USP—your unique selling position.

What is the purpose of YOUR life? And why would anyone care? Fill in these blanks (A favorite Tony Robbins exercise)…

The purpose of my life is to do THIS for you and impact WHOM/WHAT.

An example of an empowering statement is as simple as…

“The purpose of my life is to enjoy love and create magical moments for myself and all those around me.”

By taking the time to know what you stand for, no matter if you are at work, with your family or home alone, you’ll do what you said you wanted and ensure others share the benefit. This puts your focus less on playing the role of perfect parent, partner or performer at work, and places importance on who YOU are in any moment, no matter what “role” you might play.

#2 Hum and Drum

Choose a theme song. Put it on your computer, or add it to your ringer, but own it. Mine is Chantilly Lace. Anytime I go into any uncertain situation, I simply hum mine or sometimes even sign it aloud. (You can even create a little jig with it.) Have fun.

You’ll be surprised how even the ring of the phone with your power-boosting song will give you a lift by making you smile.

You will get a great deal of clarity by giving attention to what you are feeling, and acknowledging you need help. By playing this tune silently in your head you bring awareness to the issue, allowing yourself to get clear with what YOU need to do to transform the situation into meaningful moments.

#3 Daydream On Paper

You don’t need 4 days, 50 magazines, 3 books and a professional creative eye to build a vision board.

Try these simple steps.

1. Answer one question a week—“If this was the most amazing week you ever had, what would happen?”

2. Enjoy yourself. It’s easy to keep a simple word document with a single image to keep yourself on track with what’s most important to you. Try placing your one pager in different areas in your home, but by simply putting it on paper you will be one step closer to making it a reality.

3. Create a screen saver with your image and a simple line of text. Even if it’s so crazy you don’t believe it could ever happen, just start by telling yourself, “I believe I could do x.”

Let me share a quick inspirational story with you, proving this WORKS.

My son was 8 when we went to Vegas. He became focused on winning a giant basketball out of one of those crane machines. It’s virtually impossible, but he asked me if I thought creating a vision board would help. Since we were on vacation, he had to do it in a word document by finding an image online and adding a sentence to the image as it related to his desire. His 6-year-old sister watched and decided she wanted in on the action. The next night we went to the “rip-off machine” and went for it. Not only did he get his ball on the first try, his sister got hers on the last try. Talk about a magical moment for us, and all the people around us, as we jumped around laughing and hugging, “It works!”

#4 Be An Award Winning Actor or Actress

Fake it until you make it. It’s super fun to become a celebrity for a day.  Play the role as if Oscar was waiting for you. Blaze through difficult or boring situations by asking yourself, “What would Alyssa Milano do?” It feels silly, but it’s also fun. Letting others in on your game can also get the whole family into it. Adding laughter and silliness to your life will be a game changer. Even choosing to see yourself as a character in a movie or TV show the actor plays, will get you out of your box, help you think differently, and open your eyes to how magical YOU truly can be.

#5 Become a Karaoke Car Star

Jamming in your car is a super easy way to shift your energy and change your state.  Creating a play list of old songs from your younger days will put the fun moments of your childhood back into your day. Belt out tunes like Kelly Clarkson, singing like you are on your very own American Idol stage to crank up your energy, turning you into a tsunami of endless possibilities.

If you were a rock star, who would you be?  For a few minutes a day, on your way to and from work or just running errands, own their persona and sing their songs.

You can even try jamming with your kids and getting them in on the fun. Let their laughter and spirit move you. (If you are truly brave, get the attention of a neighboring car and let their stares, smiles and even eye rolling inspire you!)

#6 Give An Award Winning Pep Talk To You

Get in front of a mirror and tell YOU exactly why you are great.  Pump up your future by telling you what you are capable of and remind you of the fantastic accomplishments you have had and will have, in an award-inspiring scene.  (Think Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men—“you can’t handle the truth,” or Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday—the locker room scene.)

No limits to what you can do exist with this exercise. Be aggressive with you, but be compassionate, give yourself the pep talk you’ve been longing to hear from a boss, friend or even a lover. Believe what you tell yourself as you use your entire body to emphasize each point. Again, go for the Oscar, get your blood pumping, and know there is nothing you can’t do when you believe you have what it takes to get it done.

These tricks might seem basic or corny, but I challenge you to try them and tell me if they worked. How did you feel after you did them?

Quick fixes aren’t easy to believe in, but sometimes just taking control of everyday moments will make the bigger things fall into place and build your confidence to know the big picture is yours to draw.

What other tricks can you do to live like no one is watching?

Lori Taylor

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PRODUCTIVITY DOESN'T MEAN DOING MORE (by Ali Luke)

Ever tell yourself “I should be more productive?”

When you think that, you’re probably imagining doing more. Working more hours, getting through more work during those hours, clearing your inbox, cleaning out the garage … just thinking about it is enough to make you feel exhausted already.

The truth about productivity, though, is that we don’t necessarily become more productive – producing more worthwhile results in our lives – by constantly doing more and more. Real productivity might actually come from doing less.

Less Really Is More

I expect you’re familiar with the Pareto principle – that 80% of results are derived from 20% of effort. (For instance 80% of your profit is from 20% of your clients.)

While this doesn’t hold true for every single situation, it’s a good principle to keep in mind. There are probably some areas in your life where you’re expending a lot of effort for negligible results.

By doing less – cutting back in the areas which don’t really matter – you’ll have more energy, focus and enthusiasm for those things which do make a difference.

Try this: Look at your daily to-do list, or write down your commitments – all the things you feel obliged to do. Is there anything which you can cut out?

Efficient or Effective?

Productivity advice often revolves around making us more efficient. Keep a to-do list. Use a timer to keep you on track. Blitz through your emails. Learn a bunch of keyboard shortcuts.

It’s often good advice – but it’s easy to start missing the point. Being efficient isn’t enough – sure, you might be racing through your to-do list faster and faster, but are the items on that list really worth doing in the first place?

Being effective, on the other hand, means looking at the impact of our actions. Although effectiveness and efficiency can support one another, there’s sometimes a tension between the two. To be effective, you might have to take a step back from being busy, and look at the real priorities in your life.

Try this: Today, rather than thinking about getting through lots of tasks, focus on just one or two really significant ones.

Create Your Own Meaning

What counts as “productive” work for you?

Everyone’s definition is a bit different and it depends on your context. Perhaps your day job feels productive, along with your home improvement projects, but reading novels is just a way to relax. An English Literature student would feel differently!

One particular area where people struggle is bringing up small children – it might feel like your “real” work isn’t getting done. I love Charlie Gilkey’s take on this:

If you’re ever trying to balance being productive with hanging out with your kids, it’s time to reevaluate how you’ve framed ‘productivity’. Being a good parent is one of the most meaningfully productive things you can do.

(Charlie Gilkey, Being A Good Parent *Is* Being Productive, Productive Flourishing).

Utlimately, no-one but you can say what’s productive. And often, a truly relaxing break, or some quiet space to think and plan, is much more productive than simply knocking another chore off your to-do list.

Try this: Look at one area of your life which feels like a waste of time. Is it really? Or is it just something which society doesn’t value enough? You can decide that it’s meaningful.

How could you do less and start being more productive today?

Ali Luke

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10 Inspirational Quotes to Apply To Your Finances

(from the blog: PICK THE BRAIN) 

EVERYONE likes handy little money-saving tips, but getting control of your finances sometimes takes much bigger ideas.

Why not take these ten inspirational quotes and apply them to your finances?

“Worry, like a rocking chair will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere” – Vance Havner

Most of us are guilty of worrying about money, and whilst it might be justified in some circumstances, the actual worrying won’t solve any problems – and worse still, it can be bad for your physical and mental health.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow” – Albert Einstein

When it comes to your finances, it’s important to learn from your mistakes. It means you will find yourself better off and more able to ‘live for today’ and have ‘hope for tomorrow’.

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club (via author Chuck Phalanuick)

Anti-consumerist and anarchist Tyler Durden’s methods might have been extreme in the novel/movie Fight Club, but the nihilist offered some wise words on mass-consumerism.

Think carefully about what you spend your money on – do you really need it?

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails” – William Arthur Ward

The causes of your financial problems and the chances of them improving are both academic unless you do something to improve the situation yourself.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself” – Leo Tolstoy

Tolstoy’s sentiments are similar to William Arthur Ward’s. If you have money troubles you can get bogged down in what caused them. You can’t change the economy and you can’t change the way finance works, but you can change the way you spend and save.

“Have patience, and endure” – Shakespeare, Much Ado

If you apply Shakespeare’s advice to your finances, and realise that things are not going to change overnight, you can alleviate some of the stress you put upon yourself.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Lao-tzu

Combine the logic of Tolstoy and Shakespeare, and you get something resembling this quote from sixth Century philosopher Lao-tzu. Start by changing your own habits, like Tolstoy says, but think small.

Even if it’s only something like opening a savings account like a cash Isa and putting a small amount of money in it, ‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’

“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society.  The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute” – Gil Stern

Of course it’s important to stay positive, but don’t let a rose-tinted view of your finances stop you from preparing for difficulties. If you’re going to fly a plane, you’d want to know there was a parachute on board wouldn’t you?

“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others.  You won’t have time to make them all yourself” – Alfred Sheinwold

Listen to your friends and family if they have experience in any of the financial areas you’re thinking about. Ask your parents about their first mortgage, ask your grandma how she used to save money and make use of their advice.

“Go forward without fear” – Abraham Lincoln

Don’t bury your head in the sand! Tackling financial problems requires action, and things won’t get fixed if you try to ignore them. Don’t let fear hold you back.

Mark Hooson

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