Stop Saying “I Can’t” (by Ali Luke)

The more you become used to a specific idea (turned soon into action) and the harder it is to give up. For example: drinking, smoking, tv-ing, ecc...

This is true for all types of ideas, thoughts, including  this peculiar thought: "I can't". 

If you start saying to yourself you can't do something and you tell yourself that mantra over and over, it becomes a habit.
The good news is that habits (even negative) can be broken.

Enjoy today's post by Ali Kuke.

Everyone as best as he can!

Have Joy

Giannicola

(By Ali Luke)

Do you ever find yourself saying “I can’t”? Sometimes, it’s perfectly reasonable: I can’t drive is simply a statement of fact, if you haven’t yet passed your test.


But often, I can’t is loaded down with self-judgment:


- I can’t draw.
- I can’t sing.
- I just can’t stay organized.
- I can’t ever get it right.
- I can’t lose weight.


How often do you say “I can’t” when it’s, at best, a half-truth? Maybe you really think that you can’t draw – but is that just because you’ve never actually tried? And if you can’t get organized, or quit smoking, or lose weight … do you really mean that you won’t?

“Can’t” Saps Your Power

Whenever you say you can’t do something, you’re reinforcing that message in your mind. For years, I told myself that I couldn’t draw. I’d never really done any drawing – apart from a few compulsory lessons in school – but I knew I was no good. I couldn’t draw people. I couldn’t draw still-life arrangements. I couldn’t draw anything.

Then I picked up a copy of Betty Edwards’ Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain and realized that the only reason I couldn’t draw was because I’d never tried to learn. I had a go at some of the exercises in the book, and pretty quickly found that I just didn’t like drawing.

That’s okay! It’s fine to not want to do something. But it’s important to acknowledge that, if you wanted to, you could. If I really wanted to learn to draw, I could finish the book, or go to a class, or spend an hour or two every day with a pencil in my hand.

Changing that “Can’t”

If there’s something in your life which you’d like to do, but which you can’t do, what’s the “can’t” and what’s the real reason behind it?

Maybe it’s one of these, or something similar:

- I can’t quit my job and start working for myself (because I’m scared that it’ll all go wrong)
- I can’t lose weight (because I don’t really want to)
- I can’t quit smoking (because I need some help)
- I can’t get organized (because I don’t take the time to establish a good system)

I know that some of the things that you “can’t” do are big, emotional, tricky problems. You might want to talk to someone – a trusted friend or relative, or even a professional coach or counselor – to work through some of these areas.

Usually, though, it’s rare that there’s anything which you really truly can’t do – if you put your mind to it.

To change a “can’t” into a “can”, you might need to:

- Get more information – from books, websites or people who you know
- Build up your confidence – by taking small steps
- Become more determined – perhaps by finding a group of like-minded friends (e.g. a slimming club)
- Admit that the only thing holding you back is you

You’ve Overcome Lots of “Can’t”s Already

Once, you couldn’t do very much at all. You couldn’t walk, talk, or feed yourself.

Even when you were at school, there were loads of basic things which you couldn’t do. You couldn’t cook, or drive, or follow a map.


Throughout your whole life, you’ve been facing new challenges. Some of those might have been huge at the time – like when you first left home – but they seem pretty small in retrospect.

It’s the same with all those things that you can’t do today. They might seem big and challenging – almost impossible – right now, but they’re not. Plenty of other people have tackled and conquered the same things (and they started out from just where you are right now).

What would you love to do which you think you can’t manage right now – and how’re you going to change that?

PICKTHEBRAIN homepage

Ali Luke

PRODUCTIVITY DOESN'T MEAN DOING MORE (by Ali Luke)

Ever tell yourself “I should be more productive?”

When you think that, you’re probably imagining doing more. Working more hours, getting through more work during those hours, clearing your inbox, cleaning out the garage … just thinking about it is enough to make you feel exhausted already.

The truth about productivity, though, is that we don’t necessarily become more productive – producing more worthwhile results in our lives – by constantly doing more and more. Real productivity might actually come from doing less.

Less Really Is More

I expect you’re familiar with the Pareto principle – that 80% of results are derived from 20% of effort. (For instance 80% of your profit is from 20% of your clients.)

While this doesn’t hold true for every single situation, it’s a good principle to keep in mind. There are probably some areas in your life where you’re expending a lot of effort for negligible results.

By doing less – cutting back in the areas which don’t really matter – you’ll have more energy, focus and enthusiasm for those things which do make a difference.

Try this: Look at your daily to-do list, or write down your commitments – all the things you feel obliged to do. Is there anything which you can cut out?

Efficient or Effective?

Productivity advice often revolves around making us more efficient. Keep a to-do list. Use a timer to keep you on track. Blitz through your emails. Learn a bunch of keyboard shortcuts.

It’s often good advice – but it’s easy to start missing the point. Being efficient isn’t enough – sure, you might be racing through your to-do list faster and faster, but are the items on that list really worth doing in the first place?

Being effective, on the other hand, means looking at the impact of our actions. Although effectiveness and efficiency can support one another, there’s sometimes a tension between the two. To be effective, you might have to take a step back from being busy, and look at the real priorities in your life.

Try this: Today, rather than thinking about getting through lots of tasks, focus on just one or two really significant ones.

Create Your Own Meaning

What counts as “productive” work for you?

Everyone’s definition is a bit different and it depends on your context. Perhaps your day job feels productive, along with your home improvement projects, but reading novels is just a way to relax. An English Literature student would feel differently!

One particular area where people struggle is bringing up small children – it might feel like your “real” work isn’t getting done. I love Charlie Gilkey’s take on this:

If you’re ever trying to balance being productive with hanging out with your kids, it’s time to reevaluate how you’ve framed ‘productivity’. Being a good parent is one of the most meaningfully productive things you can do.

(Charlie Gilkey, Being A Good Parent *Is* Being Productive, Productive Flourishing).

Utlimately, no-one but you can say what’s productive. And often, a truly relaxing break, or some quiet space to think and plan, is much more productive than simply knocking another chore off your to-do list.

Try this: Look at one area of your life which feels like a waste of time. Is it really? Or is it just something which society doesn’t value enough? You can decide that it’s meaningful.

How could you do less and start being more productive today?

Ali Luke

PICK THE BRAIN homepage